The Crocodile Hunter: Tune in next week, when we'll learn more about these beautiful creatures by pissing them off immensely!

Butters: I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas!

Cartman: Kyle, you just made a huge withdrawal at the First Bank of Lies.

Reporter: Tom, if irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking smoothies right now.

Cartman: Mooooom! Ben Afleck's naked in my bed!
Cartman's Mom: Looks like the Tooth Fairy was extra happy with you!

Stan's Dad: The spirit of middle-class white people is strong in you, Stan.

Cartman: So, I'm half bisexual!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, you are not half-bi!
Cartman: I'm a quarter bi... my grandma was bi, that makes me a quarter bi!